Under 30

I can't complain but sometimes I still do

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Suck/lame: The mustache

We continue our mission of clearly defining those people, things, ideas, thoughts, actions and other nouns and verbs of questionable suckitude with the studliest facial hair this side of the fu manchu, the mustache.

Mustaches aren’t just for porn stars and 1970s cop shows anymore. The lip-warmer is back in a big way, baby. It looks cool, suave and so, so manly. Whether we are talking about one of the mustache greats like Burt Reynolds or Tom Selleck, or a newcomer to the ’stache party like college basketball star Adam Morrison, there’s no question that it takes a special kind of man to do the whiskers justice. Oh, who are we kidding? Mustaches are goofy, not to mention creepy. We only like them in an ironic way. And any dude with just a ’stache probably can’t grow a full beard.

So, is the mustache awesome, or awesomely bad? In other words, does it suck? Vote until NOON FRIDAY. Results will be posted soon after.


Blogger mark said...

this is a really tough one.

a stache would be pretty nasty on me, .. but not quite nasty enough to become the opposite of nasty (adam morrison... and he's a personal favorite).

my dad has a stache. (another personal favorite)..

and then there is this:

Not suck.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Krista said...

Not suck.

My dad's had a mustache my entire life. If he ever shaved it, I would be mortified. It's him.

Some people can't pull it off, but I can't hate on it. I'm a daddy's girl, and I think dads are pardoned from mustache-suckitude.

2:28 PM  
Anonymous cheddar said...

I think if you can pull it off, go for it.

Not suck.

However, chops should be banned forever.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Thomas Roz said...

The stache rules so hard. I mean, just off the top of my head there's Rollie Fingers, Hulk Hogan AND the Iron Sheik, Geraldo Rivera, Ned Flanders, John Stossel, Goose Gossage, Frank Zappa, Dick Dastardly, the Pringles dude, every snooty Frenchman, practically every member of the Village People, practically every famous dictator. Not that dictators are cool, but there's a reason they grow out the stache. And a reason I can't. Emphatic not suck.

3:41 PM  
Blogger Krista said...

My friend's dad, who is the ultimate in fabulous dads (other than my own), has the handlebar, and it's AWESOME.

Still can't hate on 'em.

Wait. Unless you're Nick from CSI and you randomly grow a porn star stache for a couple episodes. Why? Ew.

4:06 PM  
Blogger road apples said...

maybe you could use this picture for your myspace experiment (if you must do it)

5:54 PM  
Blogger mark said...

i forgot to mention mr. goldsmith. my alltime favorite teacher. who else lines the cabinets of his 2nd grade classroom with beer cans.

he had a stache to rival that of rollie fingers.

not to mention he's a bears fan.

6:30 PM  
Blogger mark said...

nice work roadapples.. maybe steve can start posting a picture on .. say mondays .. for us to photoshop to our liking. . yeah.

6:32 PM  
Blogger paul said...


You made my day with the Mr. Goldsmith reference.

7:02 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

On anyone but Dave, it's OK. Unless you're 15 and trying to prove you're a man. Then it's just blond and nasty. Stop it.

But, not suck.

10:18 PM  
Blogger road apples said...

Mark, if you liked the girl with the stache you are going to love this one I found.


10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I am in love!

10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes Steve, put that one on you myspace.

10:46 PM  
Blogger road apples said...

Oh, by the way, I vote suck.

11:07 PM  
Anonymous lori said...

i hate to admit this, but not long ago i was completely in love with a dude who had a stache. or at least i totally wanted to bone him.

so i'd have to say sucks.

because i'm ashamed of myself.

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That pic of Steve as a woman is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. I almost peed myself.

This is a really difficult one to vote on. Sometimes mustaches are ok, and sometimes - on certain people - they are just nasty and give me the willies. However, like Krista, my dad has one and he is cool. Dads can't suck so NOT SUCK. -r

8:44 AM  
Anonymous e4life said...

All I can say is, freaking Magnum P.I.

Not suck.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Thomas Roz said...

Marvin Gaye's dad sucks.

11:12 AM  
Anonymous cheddar said...

"i hate to admit this, but not long ago i was completely in love with a dude who had a stache. or at least i totally wanted to bone him."

I'll be throwing away my razor now.

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a friend who dated a guy with a really cheesy looking mustache that we named "The Pimpstache". She eventually broke up with the guy cuz she just couldn't take it anymore. -r

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Bart Ferley said...

First off, Not suck.

Let's look at it this way. For every one Magnum or Pringles Dude, there are 50 Bucky Covingtons. That's why we have the debate.

He's that guy on American Idol with like 10 or 12 thin mustache hairs...He should just wear a T-shirt saying, "Hey ladies, I'm in the middle of puberty. Pretty cool, Huh?"

Therefore, it's not the mustache that sucks, but rather the personal decision on the appropriateness of wearing one.

Nothing says manly man like a nice shrubby, yet well groomed push broom draped across the upper lip.

But for those without a half-full testosterone tank, the decision to play farmer and turn that lip into a whisker field can mean tragedy in the "gettin with the ladies" department.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous rebizzle said...

not suck.

you gotta give love to the stache.

2:20 PM  
Blogger road apples said...

Hahahahahahahahaha I see you put the photo to good use already!

4:35 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

First of all... road apples... don't know you, but I'd love to meet you. That was so great! Of course, I saved it to my hard drive for future use, if that's okay with you.

Secondly, I'm going waaay against the grain on this one - but I hate mustaches!

Shouldn't this be one of those, just because of *this reason* doesn't mean it's right debates?

The topic wasn't "do you think your dad or your friends dad are good people" - it was all about the mustache, and I can't think of one good thing about a mustache.


By the way, some of my favorite people have, or have at one time had one... HOWEVER... I still think they suck.

5:57 PM  
Anonymous sarsh...the stepniece said...

i am neutural on this one

because, it depends the person with the stache
it depends the style
and how well taken care of it is

so it is


7:04 PM  
Anonymous sharon said...

Mustaches do not suck.
I will not go in to detail as to why, that would be tmi for y'all to handle.

8:16 PM  
Anonymous tim fucking schweiger said...

the mustache can be ironic as well as just powerful. I vote not suck.

10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ironic mustache = SUCK

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tom selleck mustache makes him look more like a cowboy and a man it is not creepy tom selleck has great movies out there and with the mustache it will make him a better actor

11:46 AM  
Blogger michael said...

tom selleck mustache makes him look more like a cowboy and a man tom selleck mustache it will make him a better actor

11:52 AM  
Blogger klhp said...

Krista, I totally agree about Mr. CSI and the stache. It was horrible! (So horrible, in fact, that I felt compelled to email CBS. Never done that before.)

Moustaches reek of B-movie porn star, with few exception such as Magnum and my uncle Philip.

8:01 PM  
Blogger klhp said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:01 PM  
Blogger klhp said...

Oh, suck, by the way, suck.

8:02 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

It's sooooooo last summer to think the 'stache sucks.

Speaking of last summer and the mustache, there was a mustache competition last June and you should've seen some of the entries! Top notch!

The crustache might be a different story, though.

2:34 AM  

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