Under 30

I can't complain but sometimes I still do

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

The easiest gig in the world

Advice columns fascinate me. They also make me envious, because writing one is the easiest gig in the world. Your readers write half of it, and usually the situations are so clearcut that you can bang out a response in 10 minutes.

This
must be the worst letter I have ever read in an advice column. It's so bad, in fact, that I can't understand why she would ask for advice. Is there any reason in the world why somebody would tell her to stay. Let's see: Practically no sex for 15 (!) years, her husband hangs out in lesbian bars, and now she has some spinal sickness. Yep, he's a keeper!

Does anybody out there need advice? Leave your problems in the comments section and I'll solve 'em!

27 Comments:

Blogger mark said...

Dear Steve,

I can't decide if I should wear a jacket today.

-Confused

12:16 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear Confused:

Have you considered counseling? Sometimes it helps to talk to a paid professional who takes the time to listen to our problems. In lieu of that, I say don't wear one. It's spring time! Let the air touch your skin!

Steve

12:17 PM  
Anonymous Tom Cruise said...

Dear Steve,

I've been thinking about eating a placenta. Is that normal or I'm I as confused as the guy who can't decide to wear a jacket?

Sincerely,
Tom

12:32 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Tom,
That's some funny stuff.
- Jen

Steve,
I have a friend who doesn't respond to my emails. Is he just busy, or does he hate me?
- Jen

1:46 PM  
Anonymous tom crooze said...

Dear Steve,

I've been thinking about making a jacket out of placenta and then eating it. Is that normal or am I as confused as the guy who can't decide to wear a jacket or just eat placenta?

Sincerely,
TC

1:47 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Dear Steve,

How come every picture I see of, or have seen taken of Eric he is throwing up "The Horns?" Is he always just rockin' out in rock star mode? Or is he just a huge U. of Texas fan? And how come "The Horns" are always somewhere around his face? Is this some sort of inside joke I don't get? Is it some sexual inuendo? How come he never does the fully extended, arm above head, beavis and butthead "Horns?"

- Supposedly Unworthy Rocker

1:55 PM  
Anonymous A Scared Placenta said...

Dear Steve,

I keep hearing rumors that someone might eat me or turn me into a jacket. What should I do?

-A scared placenta

1:55 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear Tom:

Have you considered counseling? Sometimes it helps to talk to a paid professional who takes the time to listen to our problems. In lieu of that, I'd say don't eat the placenta. Have you ever dined at Denny's? It's surprisingly good. Plus, the food doesn't come secreted out of your wife's private parts.

-- Steve

2:06 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear Jen:

He does not hate you. People have many reasons for not writing. He may be busy. He may be dead. But mad? At you? Never!

-- Steve

2:07 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear TC:

Don't do it! Placenta shrinks after a single washing. Plus, it's too warm to wear a jacket! Enjoy the spring!

-- Steve

2:08 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear Dave:

Are you asking for advice? No, I don't think you are.

-- Steve

2:09 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear Scarred Placenta:

First off, hire an agent. As far as I can tell, you are the first placenta ever to have internet access and the ability to leave comments on a blog. That has to be worth something out in Hollywood. Once you get your name out there, nobody will be able to eat/wear you.

-- Steve

2:10 PM  
Blogger mark said...

Dear Steve,

I read on a Snapple cap that Hawaii is the only state with one school district. Can I still eat pineapples?

-hungry

2:31 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear Hungry:

Yes, but it will make you stupider.

-- Steve

2:48 PM  
Anonymous -r said...

Dear Steve,

I know I should be working, but instead I keep reading this great blog called "Under 30". What should I do?

-r

2:59 PM  
Anonymous robin williams said...

Dear Steve,

I was disappointed that "Bicentennial Man" and "Flubber" did not make your Top 5 all-time movies list. Did I turn down an autograph request of yours when you were a child? If so, how can I convince you to see me in my upcoming film, 'RV?'

R-Dub

3:10 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear r:

The choice between working and goofing off is a difficult one. I say compromise: Make an effort to pretend you're working hard so the boss will be placated, but continue to read this blog. That way, everybody wins.

-- Steve

3:18 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

R-dub:

Good question! Normally, I would say my chances of seeing "RV" are roughly equivilant to your chances of actually being funny on purpose. Which is to say, zero. But this weekend I saw "Failure to Launch," a horrible piece of garbage I would normally ignore, because my grandma wanted to see it. So if my grandma is down, I'll be enjoying your craptastic mugging at a theater near her very soon!

-- Steve

3:22 PM  
Anonymous anonymouse said...

steve,

this jen character seems rather dandy. should i ask her out?

confused in columbus

4:30 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Steve,
Should I go out with a fellow blogger? Will things get weird if it doesn't work out and we post something at the same time? What if we both vote "not suck" for the same thing? Or worse! I vote "suck" and he votes "not suck"! It could be uncomfortable for all involved.
- Dandy Jen

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Joe said...

Steve,
I've been patiently waiting to hear about your date with gramma to see Failure to Launch. How long do I have to wade through your American Idol yammering to hear it?

8:55 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dear Confused:

Normally, I would say, yes, ask her out. However, your use of the word "dandy" troubles me. Dandy? Are you an extra from a 1940s musical? Jen might be too modern for you.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dandy Jen:

Again, the word dandy. I don't know, Jen. I mean, you're swell and all. The bee's knees, even. No foolin'! I say go for it!

--Steve

10:59 AM  
Anonymous anonymouse said...

steven,

i am not from the olden days. i am classy (hot dog!). i could call jen "hot" or "delicious", but that wouldn't help my case.

confused

1:40 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Do I know you, confused?

- Confused

12:03 AM  
Anonymous anonymouse said...

jen,

i don't think so.

confused

2:22 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Anonymouse:

Stop trying to pick up my comment leavers. You are creeping me out. And it's not working.

-- The Management

2:42 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home