Under 30

I can't complain but sometimes I still do

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Suck/lame: Tom Cruise

We continue our mission of clearly defining those people, things, ideas, thoughts, actions and other nouns and verbs of questionable suckitude with the zaniest movie star Scientologist in the world, Tom Cruise.

In a town full of stars, Cruise reigns supreme in Hollywood. The man has been a top box office draw since “Top Gun” in 1986. To put his amazing career consistency in perspective, consider that Richard Marx was one of the biggest stars on the pop charts back then. But while most movie stars inevitably fade over time, Cruise just keeps on going strong. His latest flick, “Mission: Impossible III,” already has made a gazillion dollars at the box office. That’s impressive, except Hollywood insiders thought it would make a gazillion zillion dollars by now. There are whispers that the American people are, well, creeped out by Cruise because he’s, well, so creepy. He married the cute “Dawson’s Creek” chick and turned her into a Stepford wife. Then he picked a fight with Brooke Shields. Then he threatened to eat his daughter’s placenta. What’s next, a sequel to “Cocktail”?

So, is Cruise an unbeatable movie star, or a trainwreck headed off the rails? In other words, does he suck? Vote by noon Friday.

P.S. David Blaine was voted Suck. Yeah, I didn't care, either.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mission: Impossible III, took a disappointing $48 million in its opening weekend at the U.S. box office, falling well short of industry forecasts.

Former agent, Meyer, says, "When the public learns too much about a star, it's dangerous. You're hiring a mystique. No one is as attractive as they are portrayed."

11:50 AM  
Anonymous cheddar said...

I never really felt strongly about Tom one way or another, I guess. I mean, I like most of his movies, and I think he's a good enough actor.

But the Scientology stuff is just creepy.


11:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


1:00 PM  
Blogger mark said...

Indifferent, but because Bush is out there fighting for freedom and democracy with other freedom loving friends, keeping evil do'ers and haters of freedom and Jesus away... just so that I can exercise my American God given right to vote on Under30.. Well, I best make the most of it before Queda takes it away, because they care.

I've never liked his acting. He throws out the same in each movie. He's not a comedian. Only comedians can use the same act in every single role. But lately, I've become sympathetic.. with all his couch jumping and her name is Kate and interesting religion practices...

He's become so weird, I can look past his sucky past.

not suck

1:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't even feel the need to explain myself....SUCKS!

1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suck, Suck, SUCK!
There are so many words to express my disdain for that man that I cannot fit it all in this small box.

2:39 PM  
Anonymous gavin said...

I cannot decide one way or the other. My instinct says "not suck", but I can't commit to it.

Richard Marx: not suck.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Krista said...

One year ago, maybe, I would have voted "not suck." Or maybe immediately after having watched "Top Gun," or "Collateral," I would have voted "not suck."

But today, after the placenta-eating, Katie-sabotaging, Scientology-ing, Brooke-bashing, couch-jumping - it's a fatty SUCK.

4:03 PM  
Blogger mark said...

come on gavin man... stay with me here.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Total suck vote on this one. I've never caved to the Tom Cruise image, even when we were younger and my 14 year old friends had posters of him on their walls. I never liked him. I like some of his movies, yes. Not for his acting, but because they were interesting movies. I have a feeling he might be a celebrity that was driven insane by the craziness that Hollywood instills. Hopefully Katie sees a different Tom Cruise than we do. Otherwise, I pity her and their new baby. Suri, was it?

4:28 PM  
Anonymous Sharon said...


4:40 PM  
Anonymous lori said...

i can't knock a man for losing his sh*t so publicly. what tom cruise has done in the past few months -- the proclamations of love and religion and self-righteousness, not to mention that growing-ever-creepier cackle -- takes cojones. or maybe a mental disorder.

either way:
i can't hate the brave.
it's wrong to hate the crazies.

tom cruise does not suck.

5:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:03 PM  
Anonymous gavin said...

I'll be your wingman any time, Mark.

Not suck.

2:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He makes people feel good and he does not suck. Why should someone be like other people think they should be?

10:43 AM  
Anonymous kbl said...

I have no problem hating the brave when they are stupid, and when (psychiatric-help-refusing) crazy takes the form of self-aggrandizing bloviating, I can hate that, too. (I have a lot of hate. It's probably the thetans.)

And even before the crazy, I thought him insufferably smug. Plus, The Last Samurai?


11:38 AM  
Blogger BbMOOzer said...

Heebee Jeebies Man! Ok, so he was a big hottie for me in my younger years but his acting has 'action hero typecasting' all over it. The only time I really enjoyed his acting was 'Born on the 4th of July". I think he served himself well all these years being so private UP UNTIL this year when he suddenly gave the public MORE THAN WE EVER WANTED TO KNOW about such a dink. LAME... LAME and Katie's LAME too.

11:19 PM  

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