Under 30

I can't complain but sometimes I still do

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Shameless self-promotion, Part Deux

Today's Under 30 column is on my proposal for a new National Anthem. It is made up of the best parts of classic rock songs

Here it is in a nutshell:

What kind of music sounds best when sung by tens of thousands of people in a stadium or arena? Duh, it’s classic rock! Notice how bored sports fans look when forced to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” for the umpteenth time and how excited they get when the opening riff to “Start Me Up” by the Rolling Stones fires up on the P.A. for the umpteenth time. Why shouldn’t the national anthem cause Americans to raise their lighters, too?

My proposal for a new national anthem consists of the best parts of several classic rock songs. I’m not really a songwriter, so my anthem isn’t perfect. It’s also about 20 minutes long. But, man, it rocks like a son of a gun!

The song begins with the awesome instrumental introduction to “Baba O’Riley” by the Who, the greatest opening to a song ever. (Dum! Dum DUM!) Then it segues into the fist-pumping opening lines to “You Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC. (“She had the sightless eyes/Telling me no lies/Knockin’ me out with those American thighs.” Who isn’t proud to be an American after hearing that?)

Now that we have a killer opener that will get everybody’s attention, let’s slip in a little “Born to Run” by Bruce Springsteen. (“In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway American dream/At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines.” That’s what I call inspirational poetry, Francis Scott Key.) Then let’s add “What I Like About You” by the Romantics. (Because America, among other things, keeps you warm at night and never wants to let you go.)

This might be excessive, but I’d love to add the drum solo from Led Zeppelin’s “Moby Dick” at this point, just because drum solos sound cool in stadiums. (We can say it recreates the sound of rockets red glare or something.) Then, the ultimate classic rock closer: The climactic guitar duel from Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Freebird.”


Read the whole thing here.

8 Comments:

Blogger Steve Kabelowsky said...

The Brits can follow and make their own with classic Queen songs.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Gavin said...

It was difficult for me to decipher how much of this was satirical or sarcastic and how much it was serious...

So, unfortunately, I can't comment. But I think we both know I don't share your sentiments.

12:55 PM  
Blogger mark said...

yeah i don't want any sexist american thighs in my anthem or confederate rock :)

1:59 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Dislike of The Star Spangled Banner: serious.

Proposal to make a new anthem out of old classic rock songs: satirical.

Is it really that difficult to figure out?

2:12 PM  
Blogger mark said...

but i liked the idea for the intro. that kicks butt.

so who do we know in politics to get the ball rolling.

2:31 PM  
Anonymous kbl said...

I have a couple of meetings scheduled on the Hill for next week, I'm sure I could float the idea. There aren't really any other legislative priorities right now. And this might be just what Sen. Clinton is looking for to make the perfect complement to her flag-burning legislation.

9:07 PM  
Blogger mark said...

speaking of american idol. i heard they kicked out that 90's alt rock dude. no comment steve? or are you witholding? who's left?

9:34 PM  
Anonymous gavin said...

Steve, I understood that part. It was more of the parts where I couldn't tell if the patriotism was serious or not because it seemed a little over the top. I don't think of you as over the top... or over anything, really.

Me? I'm over Mary-Kate Olsen. She's so 2004.

12:05 AM  

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