Under 30

I can't complain but sometimes I still do

Friday, September 08, 2006

Shameless self-promotion: Under 30's Packers preview

The Packers are going to be bad this year. So bad that I'm struggling to come up with an analogy to describe the impending debacle.

Does "Lindy Infante bad" appropriately conjure up the stench? How about "Randy Wright handing off to Brent Fullwood bad"? "Smells like Najeh Davenport's friend's closet bad"?

Yeah, that's it.

I was going to write a column where I picked the winners for each Packers game this season, but I don't want to put you or me through that. (For posterity's sake I'm saying 6-10. And that's assuming we can beat the Buffalo Bills on the road. I'm not ready to believe that we're "Beat by J.P. Losman bad" quite yet.)

However, I am going to write a column where I predict how the season will unfold and curl up like a Styrofoam plate tossed in the campfire. (Coincidentally, Styrofoam is my new nickname for Robert Ferguson. Because he's both weak and impossible to get rid of. I really, really hope that catches on, by the way.)

I barely consider these predictions. "I am going to die some day," for instance, is not a prediction. It is a statement of inevitable fact that just hasn't come true yet. Unfortunately, unlike death, you will be fully conscious when these predictions come true.

Week 1: The Packers play the Bears at home, and during the pre-game show Fox airs the same footage we've all seen a million times of Vince Lombardi hollering and breathing hard on the sidelines, followed by a clip of George Halas doing his hollering and breathing act. And there's a lot of talk of "tradition" and "storied rivalries" and other meaningless stuff in the age of free agency. Look, most of our team was born in the mid '80s. "The Super Bowl Shuffle" is like Mitch Miller to these kids. Lombardi and Halas might as well be Washington and Lincoln.

Week 3: After picking up the annual garbage win against the Saints, the Pack loses big to the Lions in Detroit.

Favre throws three picks and fumbles twice, and speculation over whether Mike McCarthy has the stones to end the consecutive start streak officially begins. I love Favre more than any other NFL player ever, but at this point I'm screaming for Aaron Rodgers. Did anybody else love the 'stache he had for "Monday Night Football"? He looked like a character from "Reno 911."

Read the rest here.


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