Under 30

I can't complain but sometimes I still do

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Possibly a bigger jerk than Mel Gibson

The first day back at work from a long vacation always is a little disorienting. I tend not to follow the news that closely when I'm not working, so it's a little like coming home from the moon. I mean, I only know about the whole Mel Gibson fiasco because they talked about it on Howard Stern.

Anyway, I was reading The P-C today and this story caught my eye. It's about a 20-year-old Appleton man facing 10 years in prison for stealing a bucket of ice cream from a 14-year-old boy.

Police say the man, Ryan R. Van Hammond, stole a bucket of ice cream from a 14-year-old boy who was toting it home for his own birthday celebration.

Van Hammond, W3184 Westowne Court, is charged with a felony count of theft from a person, and two counts of felony bail jumping. The theft charge could land him in prison for up to 10 years.

The alleged incident occurred while Van Hammond was free on bond while facing drug and child-abuse charges in Calumet and Outagamie counties.

Police say Van Hammond snatched the ice cream from the boy at the 2200 block of S. Schaefer Street. While struggling with the boy Van Hammond asked the boy, "Do you want me to kill you?" the complaint said.

The defendant told police he was hungry when he asked for the ice cream, and later "realized what he had done was wrong and left the bucket of ice cream on the sidewalk."

Before I say anything else, let me get the obvious out of the way first: It is wrong to steal buckets of ice cream for teenagers. That said, this is hilarious. It's like an Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell movie come to life. OK, maybe I feel a little bad for the kid, but he now has an anecdote that will last him a lifetime. And as for the guy, well, it WAS pretty hot last week, and does a single kid REALLY need a whole bucket of ice cream for himself?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come on Steve, the kid wasn't going to eat the whole bucket of ice cream himself. He was bringing it home for his birthday party.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Was he really? How do you know that? Do you know the kid? Any chance Under 30 blog can get an exclusive interview?

1:24 PM  
Anonymous cheddar said...

How do you guys know the guy wasn't just trying to save the kid from cavities and obesity? There's no way the kid should have had a gallon of ice cream. The guy was only looking out for his best interests.

1:43 PM  
Anonymous gavin said...

I'm just looking forward o his first day in prison. "Hi, I'm in here for attempted murder and rape of a cow. How about you?"

"I took a bucket of ice cream from some kid, and then when I felt bad, I left it on the sidewalk and ran."

That's going to be a loooong sentence.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

That's what is hilarious. If you steal ice cream from a kid, at the very least keep the spoils.

I wonder what flavor the ice cream was. If we're talking vanilla here, this dude deserves a life sentence.

2:09 PM  

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