Finally! A soluation to the war on terror AND Whitney Houston's career decline

Most people agree that the worst thing ever to happen to Whitney Houston was Bobby Brown. But it appears Whitney actually has a worse romantic option available to her: Osama bin Laden. According to the terrorist's former "sex slave" Kola Boof (did the Emancipation Proclamation not apply to sex slaves?) bin Laden was obsessed with Houston and dreamed of killing her husband.

Boof says bin Laden couldn't stop talking about his favorite singer and had lofty plans for her. "He said he wanted to give [her] a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum. He explained to me that to possess Whitney, he would be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives."

But bin Laden's murderous side also emerged in his fantasies about the pop superstar. "[He would say] how beautiful she is," Boof claims, "what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband - Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have womens' husbands killed.

"In his briefcase, I would come across photographs of the Star [magazine], as well as copies of Playboy. It would soon come to the point where I was sick of hearing Whitney Houston's name," Boof writes.

I say we stop the war and drop the Whitney bomb on the Middle East. We just need to find which crack house she's sleeping at this week.