Under 30

I can't complain but sometimes I still do

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Soccer still boring

Big surprise! Americans don't care about the World Cup!

ABC reported overnight ratings for Saturday's England-Paraguay game and for Sunday's Mexico-Iran game at 2.7 _ about 3 million households for each. Spanish-language network Univision was also televising the games. Figures for Monday's game involving the Americans won't be available until Tuesday.

By comparison, the French Open women's final, televised early Saturday on NBC, drew viewers in about 1.9 million households. Even on its worst nights, the Winter Olympics drew about 16 million viewers in February.


Personally, I haven't watched a World Cup game yet. And I don't plan on it. I cop to an unabashed bias against soccer fostered by a number factors, including: (1) the game's overall suckiness and lack of spectator appeal (at least for my dullard American sensibility); (2) knowing too many a-holish soccer players in high school; (3) the soccer nazis who keep trying to make the sport popular in America; (4) it interrupts America's perfect sports calendar that includes football in the fall, basketball in the winter and spring, and baseball in the spring, summer and early fall; (5) orange slices.

Any soccer fans out there? Can I make fun of you?

96 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heya STEVE, you're an idiot.

PEACE

11:18 AM  
Blogger paul said...

I've seen several of the games. I actually watched most of the 0-0 tie between Sweden and TnT... it was really exciting. I've already seen more coverage of the World Cup than the last two Olympics combined. The terminology, the crazy fans, the underdogs, the jerseys. I dig it. I watched the US get crushed by the Czech Republic and I felt the pain.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Come on, soccer fan! ID yourself! Of course, if you were a real man, you wouldn't play soccer, would you?

Snap!

I'm gonna try to watch some soccer tonight. Every time I try I fall asleep. But, hey, this time could be different!

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

more here

12:03 PM  
Blogger paul said...

Perhaps the lack of popularity is a good sign?

12:07 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Thanks for that clip, Anonymous. I'm definitely writing my Under 30 column on this topic, and the Slate story supports my central point.

Touche, Paulie. Using someone's own words against them is pure Hyden.

12:11 PM  
Anonymous cheddar said...

Only foreigners like soccer. SNAP!

12:58 PM  
Anonymous bizzle said...

football in the football? five orange slices? am i missing something here???

t schwy is a soccer player.... maybe you should make fun of him.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous bizzle said...

"Many people would say that soccer is the latte or the Subaru of the sporting spectrum,"


is that a serious comment? 'cause i don't even know what the fuck thats supposed to mean.

2:01 PM  
Blogger mark said...

I love the world cup. I don't really care if Steve does. I love him too.

I'm not about trying to convert America. If I had to argue it I'd only spend as much breath as saying that the rest of the world. . which i usually agree with on most issues... likes it too.

It's not commercial and crass enough for this country.

2:03 PM  
Blogger mark said...

not suck.

2:05 PM  
Blogger mark said...

P.S. Correction, I'm not trying to convert the United States. The rest of America gets it.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Thanks Mark for summing up the main reason I hate soccer: Condescending soccer fans. This argument that you must be stupid for not liking it is what irritates me. (See first post.)

I still love you, too, Mark.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous gavin said...

Go Spain.

2:08 PM  
Blogger mark said...

True true. Last comment condescending but factually accurate.

Also, consider my personal interest. i spent a good chunk of time with "sully" and the like playing the sport. .. 13 years. (I know what you're thinking.. and THAT didn't make you think it sucked?... nah)

:)

2:10 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Other stuff the rest of the world likes and Americans don't: David Hasselhoff albums, Jordy, David Beckham, Mission Impossible III, boring sitcoms starring John Clease that air on PBS, armpit hair.

That's all I can think of now.

Soccer sucks. It's a bunch of dudes running around in shorts kicking a ball. Who gives a crap?

2:14 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

Why can't Americans just hate soccer? Why does it have to be a reflection of some deficiency on our part? Is soccer so inherently great that you must be an ADD-adled moron if you don't like it?

Writing this column is going to be a blast. I'm getting surprisingly riled up about this. Who knew I cared about soccer so much? Weird.

2:18 PM  
Blogger mark said...

k last comment from me.. did you happen to see the recent National Geographic featuring Soccer?

It's interesting and insightful....might provide some good material for you. or you.

2:19 PM  
Blogger mark said...

dude you just hate sully.

this is a revenge piece you're writing.

the thing is, we're all the same in the blakent. you're sully.

2:27 PM  
Anonymous mark again said...

Some of the new ruling parties in Iraq agree with you Steve!

http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com/2006_05_01_riverbendblog_archive.html#114902032905572434
----------------------------------
As it turns out, Muqtada has a fatwa against football (soccer). I downloaded it and this is a translation of what he says when someone asks him for a fatwa on football and the World Cup:

“In reality, my father's position on this topic isn't deficient... Not only my father but Sharia also prohibits such activities which keep the followers too occupied for worshiping, keep people from remembering [to worship]. Habeebi, the West created things that keep us from completing ourselves (perfection). What did they make us do? Run after a ball, habeebi… What does that mean? A man, this large and this tall, Muslim- running after a ball? Habeebi, this ‘goal’ as it is called… if you want to run, run for a noble goal. Follow the noble goals which complete you and not the ones that demean you. Run after a goal, put it in your mind and everyone follows their own path to the goal to satisfy God. That is one thing. The second thing, which is more important, we find that the West and especially Israel, habeebi the Jews, did you see them playing soccer? Did you see them playing games like Arabs play? They let us keep busy with soccer and other things and they've left it. Have you heard that the Israeli team, curse them, got the World Cup? Or even America? Only other games... They've kept us occuppied with them- singing, and soccer, and smoking, stuff like that, satellites used for things which are blasphemous while they occuppy themselves with science etc. Why habeebi? Are they better than us- no we're better than them.”

Important note: Islamic Sharia does not prohibit soccer/football or sports- it’s only prohibited by the version of Sharia in Muqtada’s dark little head. I wonder what he thinks of tennis, swimming and yoga…

3:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who's sully?

3:38 PM  
Blogger Steve Hyden said...

hating soccer = way to end war with Iraq

5:01 PM  
Blogger Jim Collar said...

Boredom is the obvious foundational issue for any red-blooded American soccer hater.

Here are a few more points that haven't been mentioned.

Soccer fashion -- those bowl haircuts and shiny Umbro shorts that soccer players donned when I was in high school still raise my blood pressure when I think about it.

Games -- Foosball is horrible. Subbuteo table soccer...remember that piece of junk? It was a must-have at Christmas when I was 8, then I got it. I wish I could go back in time and ask for Castle Greyskull.

And finally...
It's the same sport as a zillion other sports. It's not special at all. Give them sticks...field hockey, sticks and ice...ice hockey, wickets...la crosse, horses...polo, the heads of infidels -- I forget what they call that version, but you get my point.

5:32 PM  
Anonymous gavin said...

Did I mention "go Spain"? Go Spain, beat Ukraine.

9:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

understanding football requires understanding passion

2:53 AM  
Blogger road apples said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:21 AM  
Blogger road apples said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:24 AM  
Blogger road apples said...

Awww and you looked so cute in your little soccer uniform, Steven. And the coach was hot too!
Check this out:
http://bluefrog.nfshost.com/sjh/soccerteam_steve.jpg

Note: Steven is in the second row, fourth from the left.

7:33 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Awww, Stevie Weavie, you were an adorable wittle soccer player!

Um, for all you haters out there: David Beckham is too beautiful to hate and I have no problem with soccer. Granted, I don't watch it on tv, but I don't watch anything on tv. My tv only plays fuzz.

9:31 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great blog steve - why not pop over to ours - we have a slightly different slant on the world cup that might raise a smile for you!

http://cornflakesarenice.blogspot.com/

10:22 AM  
Blogger Thomas Roz said...

This discussion is sort of like Suck-Lame reincarnated.

By the way, I'm a sports nut who watches virtually every nanosecond of the NFL Draft and soccer is boooooooooooring.

11:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're boring

12:00 PM  
Blogger Thomas Roz said...

only when i play soccer

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Soccer is not an exciting spectator sport. Ditto for baseball, unless it's October. Soccer is like the metric system. No matter how much people talk up its merits, it will never catch on in America.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stealth suck/lame with more opinionated goodness and steve comments. bravo.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Thomas Roz said...

has anyone mentioned how ridiculous it is to see grown men writhe on the ground as if they've just been shot in the leg whenever someone sweeps them to the ground? it's part of the game. you get knocked down. not everything has to evoke a face of sheer terror as though you'll never walk again. and (poof) seconds later, they're running at full speed again. i respect the conditioning of soccer players -- tough sport to play, and my old man was really good -- but i still don't want to watch it on tv. viva cameroon!

2:20 PM  
Blogger mark said...

any good engineers in the bay area need a job? actually you don't even have to be good..

5:17 PM  
Blogger mark said...

my boss just got back from the world cup matches over the weekend. great stories.

5:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes

5:56 PM  
Anonymous Frank said...

Australia agrees with you. Soccer is dead boring and we too have soccer nazis trying to make the game popular here too . . and they want to change its name to Football. We already have Football - Australian Football.

8:12 AM  
Anonymous e4life said...

Now, Australian football ... that s%$# rocks hardcore. I wish ESPN still aired it.

If the World Cup was played by Aussie rules, I'd watch it.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous Marc said...

I will give you this much...at least you didn't say there was NO skill in football (what it should be called). Most of the people that rip on soccer have never played it and probably do not have the stamina or skills to play. Let me kick a ball at you from 20 yards away and see if you can control it with your thigh, foot or chest. That is control and that is skill. GO USA!!!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

HEY, FIRST TELL ME HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE FOOTBALL (WHICH SHOULD NOT BE NAMED FOOTBALL BECAUSE THEY BARLY EVEN USE THEIR FEET)AS THEIR NATIONAL SPORT AND HOW MANY HAVE SOCCER AS THEIR NATIONAL SPORT. SECOND YOU THINK SOCCER IS BORING BECAUSE SOCCER IS FOR SMART PEOPLE BECASUE THERES NO PLAYS, YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR BRAIN UNLIKE FOOTBALL WHICH ALL THE PLAYS ARE WRITTEN DOWN AND IN BASEBALL THERE IS NOTTIN TO THINK AND BASKETBALL IS JUST TRYING TO BE SOCCER JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER SPORTS. OK, IN SOCCER, THERE IS A REAL WORLD CHAMPION UNLIKE THE NFL,NBA,AND MLB. SOCCER IS SO BIG THAT FOOTBALL HAD TO STILL ITS NAME. SOCCER IS BEAUIFUL, IT WAY BETTER THEN ANY OTHER SPORT. THATS WHY IN MOST OF THE WORLD SOCCER IS A RELGION AND WE HOPE THAT WILL HAPPEN HERE IN THE US.

10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

listen soccer fans are not trying to change the usa into thinking soccer is the number one sport.but you can stop saying crap about a sport you have no clue about you think soccer is just kicking well first of all there is a lot more to it then you really think theres control try having a ball coming at you in the air with three guys on you try and trap it with your feet chest or pass it with your head second soccer is a passing game you dont just bomb it up the feild and hope for it to go in you pass the ball run into positions to try and make oppurtunitties third is that you actully have to think while your playing you have to be fast know where your players are read plays before they happen fourth it isnt just about the world cup in fact most of the world barley talks about it until its close by there are many diffrent competitons barclays english premire league la liga.also soccer is not moms in miny vans taking there children to a game.those kind of people have no clue how the sport is played or anything about it they come to assumtions after watching there children play.ok think about this how many people watch the world cup ok now think how many people watch the super bowl.oh yea diving is a very big problem and i agree with you guys on that.and the nazi thing is really not bad its a sport loved by the world and its peace ful and theres no racism the nazis were terrible yes i agree but what were they doing trying to put the sport at popularity so bad you americans think every one is out to get you that is why your so self contained you have the most racism and your just ignerent about the world.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its not just USA where this sport does not reign supreme
New Zealand and Australa love Rugby but not soccer its dullsville
The thrill of 1 nil (not) the bore of a draw or the ho hum of 2-1 take your pick..I mite try and watch some soccer tonite and somehow I will try to stay awake this time
KIWIFELLA

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol have you fucking americans ever wondered why nobody likes your shitty sports. seriously shut the fuck up and stuff yourself with some more doughnuts. Football is the most popular game in the world, exhillirating and honestly no one really gives a shit about what you just said.

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love soccer because it is CONTINUOUS. No stopping and starting. No time-outs or commercial breaks.

Other sports have too many interruptions and I always end up turning off the TV.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Brandon said...

Soccer is one of the easiest and cheapest games to play and thus the reason its so popular...but in America, we like to challenge ourselves, so we made a somewhat complicated sport which involves the coordination and strength building of not only our legs but almost every major muscle in the body...when the US was formed after the Revolutionary War we set out to evolve our ideals from traditional England practices... American football is one of the many testaments of a Revolution 220 years in the making, its one of the many things that set the US apart from the world and thus helping make the most powerful nation in the world...its not popularity that makes a nation great its the individuality that sets that nation apart from others

6:22 AM  
Anonymous Brandon said...

And me, I'm not one of those people who dog on a sport if I've never played it...I played soccer for 8 years, starting in first grade all the way up to 9th, then i started lifting weights and was offered to play American football from the coach at my high school, since then I have absolutely fallen in love with the sport. The complexity of the plays kept my mind ripe, while the overall stamina and strength of not only my legs, but entire body, increased...It actually made me feel like i wasted 8 years of my life to a bourish sport(soccer) when i could have been playing American football the whole time...and i know this is a stereotype but usually relatively weak or short people tend to play a sport like soccer but it takes a physically strong person to play American football...in laments terms, theres more people in the world that more closely match the physique of a soccer player than a NFL player, which is another reason soccer is such a widely played sport, it doesnt demand as much work...simply put, its a poor/lazy mans sport...I shudder at the integrity of the world

6:48 AM  
Anonymous Brandon said...

And if you English people got anything right, it was definately rugby, I absolutely love that sport. Its kind of like our American football but without the pad.

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