Save Screech's house

I am a snarky 20something dude, so of course I have some love for Dustin Diamond, the white Urkel, better known as Screech from "Saved By the Bell." Through no effort (or fault) of my own, I have seen every episode of the craptastic early '90s Saturday morning sitcom. In high school, I used to wake up every Saturday morning at 10 a.m. specifically to watch "Saved By the Bell." I didn't try to do it, I just woke up automatically at 9:55 a.m., like my body set its clock to NBC's teen programming. (I also watched "California Dreams" at 10:30 a.m.)

I was sure then (as I am now) that "Saved by the Bell" was the most poorly written, acted and executed show ever to appear on a major network. And, yes, I'm counting "Mama's Family." I'll never forget the driver's ed episode where A.C. Slater takes his test by driving a go-kart around a classroom. We were supposed to buy that as teenaged viewers, that Slater would get his driver's license because he safely negotiated a turn around a desk while going 3 mph. I can accept artistic license, but that's just showing contempt for the audience. Watching "Saved By the Bell" was like dating a girl with a chemical imbalance. I hated the show and the show hated me, but we couldn't get enough of each other.

But I digress. The reason for all this "Saved by the Bell" talk is Diamond, who is in danger of losing his house in Port Washington. I first heard about the story from my friend Tom Roz, a man who inexplicably insists that there are genuinely funny moments in at least a couple of "Saved by the Bell" episodes. Apparently Screech has taken to the Internet to raise the needed $250,000 to save his house from foreclosure.

Today's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel has a story about the matter, along with deets on Dustin's troubled finances.

He is cagey about giving specific information about both his current income and the home, which he declined to allow reporters into. On the 2001 bankruptcy filing, he listed his employer as NBC and his take-home income, at the time, as about $5,300 a month.

The active run of "Saved by the Bell" happened before Diamond turned 18, and he said that problems with both his parents spending his money, and substantial tax miscalculations, left him in a hole as a young adult.

Now, he says, he has reconciled with his father, owes money only for his home and car, and needs mainly to find a way out of foreclosure to move on with life. His best plan for it, he said, is the $15 T-shirt, on which a disheveled Diamond is pictured, as he described it, "in the Wisconsin woodlands in front of a shack," holding a "Save My House" sign.

The back reads "I paid $15.00 to save Screeech's house," with the third "e" added, he said, to offer at least a technical separation between the fund-raising shirt from the "Screech Powers" character on a copyrighted show.

"I think there's a lot of people who think it's funny," Diamond said. "It's not a hoax. I wouldn't draw this kind of attention to myself for nothing."

There is absolutely no way this is going to work, right? I mean, a T-shirt sale? Why not have a car wash? If you want to help, go here.