iPod Playlist: 10 Songs You Will Make Fun Of Me For Loving But I Don’t Care Because They Are Awesome

1. Justin Timberlake, “Rock Your Body”: The best single so far of the ’00s. Please don’t beat me up for thinking that.

2. Olivia Newton-John, “Hopelessly Devoted to You”: Quite possibly the wussiest song ever written. If there is a wussier song in the history of mankind, don’t let me hear it. I’m afraid I will want to download it.

3. Bryan Adams, “Heaven”: This song always makes me think of middle school dances in the 1980s, which is strange because I never attended a middle school dance in the 1980s. That must say something about how evocative this power ballad is. Or maybe I just have a really overactive imagination when it comes to middle school dances.

4. Keith Urban, “Making Memories of Us”: OK, I really hate this song. But the lyrics are so awesomely bad that I love it despite my hatred. “I wanna honor your mother/I wanna learn from your Pa/I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw.”

5. Peter Cetera and Amy Grant, “The Next Time I Fall”: This song makes me think of the first girl I ever liked, Rose, in the fifth grade. At age 11, Peter Cetera and Amy Grant perfectly expressed my romantic anguish. At age 28, that’s my only excuse for still kinda liking this song.

6. Genesis, “In Too Deep”: Not only do I really love mid-1980s Phil Collins/Genesis albums,I also love the ballady songs most of all. This dentist office classic is one of the best.

7. Fall Out Boy, “Sugar We’re Going Down”: Nobody older than 15 has the right to like this song. Still, it’s on my iPod. I like it when the guy sings, “Number one with a bullet!” When skater kids roll by my car, I roll up the window as I sing along.

8. Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl”: When the term “stupid-brilliant” is finally added to the dictionary, “Hollaback Girl” will be listed as the definition.

9. Phil Collins, “One More Night”: Remember how I said “In Too Deep” was one of the best dentist office songs? This is the best.

10. Billy Ocean, “Caribbean Queen”: Contrary to popular belief, “Caribbean Queen” is the superior Billy Ocean song to “Get Outta My Dreams (Get Into My Car).” You know, just in case you and your friends ever argue about Billy Ocean songs.