No abortion + no gayness = happy!

According to a recent survey, Republicans are happier than Democrats.

Why? Well, duh.

"Republicans tend to have more money than Democrats, and—as we've already discovered—people who have more money tend to be happier," the report states.

But even after adjusting for income, poor Republicans are happier than poor Democrats, and rich Republicans are happier than rich Democrats.

Of course, Democrats having their souls crushed repeatedly over the past six years might have something to do with their never-ending case of the Mondays.