Fetus watch

"American Idol" was down to the final 12 last night, but we all know there's only one real star left: Fetus. And the lispy one brought his best D-game.

It was Stevie Wonder Night, which was great unless you actually like Stevie Wonder's music. Otherwise, most of the singers treated these brilliant tunes like a dog on laxatives treats the Mona Lisa. Fetus was no different. Faced with perhaps the richest body of pop music created during the 1970s, Fetus went with the schlocky "Part-Time Lover" from 1984. Not a bad choice if you're Theo Huxtable, but even this pap was too soulful for the dulcet tones of Fetus.

But again, Paula and Randy inexplicably liked him. Of course, I was too busy watching Simon biting his tongue to a bloody pulp while his fellow judges blabbered on to pay attention. "Absolutely appalling," the man finally chimed in. Fetus tried to pick a fight over the verdict, but Simon just smiled like a shark choosing not to swallow the baby squid.

The smart money is on Fetus taking a hike tonight. But why would Fetus leave now when he should have been booted every single time before now? Under 30 says Fetus stays, and Melissa McGhee gets the boot.

Besides, Fetus dumped his lady friend so his "fans" could, well, I don't know, pretend to hold hands with him or something.