A killer on the dance floor

OK, so R. Kelly urinates on underage girls. This is obviously not a good thing. We as a society must step forward and discourage our R&B singers from staining the future of our country in such a foul manner. However, the man knows how to write a jam. And in the grand scheme of things, one's jam-writing abilities just might trump all sins.

Example: I had the privilege of spinning tracks from my iPod at Cranky Pat's in Neenah this evening. Being a novice DJ, I reveled in the rare opportunity to share my music with the public. I started the evening in bombastic fashion, playing some Tears for Fears and Steve Perry for the ironically-minded revelers in the hizee. While flashing through my extensive collection of MP3s, I came across "Ignition (Remix)." Ignoring the advice of my friend (this was an alt-country haven, after all) and going solely with my gut, I pressed play. And R. Kelly proceeded to kill every mofo in the room.

I'm telling you, if you ever get the chance to be a DJ, play some R. Kelly. It will set your table in spectacular fashion. I followed up with some Al Green, Earth, Wind and Fire and Benton Wood, and they all reaped the benefits of R. Kelly's sweaty bump and grind.

If peeing on people is wrong, no dancer wants to be right.