Suck/lame: "American Idol"
We continue our mission of clearly defining those people, things, ideas, thoughts, actions and other nouns and verbs of questionable suckitude with the most popular televised talent show of all-time, “American Idol.”
Did you know Congress is considering changing the name of our great nation to the United States of American Idol? OK, not really, but if our country is unified over anything, it must be “American Idol.” The showcase for our vast untapped reservoir of singing talent is bigger than ever in its fifth season. Yes, “American Idol” is a little cheesy, but it’s the only true communal experience we have left in pop culture. “American Idol” is so big, in fact, that it practically is pop culture. Is this a good thing? Well, “American Idol” celebrates over-emotive, dog-whistle singing favored by Mariah Carey and third-rate karaoke singers. And with the possible exception of Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone,” everything the show has produced has been absolute garbage musically. The worst thing about “American Idol” is it encourages the diluted to keep vying for stardom. After all, if William Hung can get his 15 minutes, why can’t your cousin who starred in that delightful high school production of “Guys and Dolls” back in ’98?
So, is “American Idol” an American institution or an American embarrassment? In other words, does it suck? Vote by NOON FRIDAY.
posted by Steve Hyden @ 1:30 PM
21 Comments:
Even though there are things I despise about the show, I find myself getting sucked into watching it (and even voting) quite often. There are things I like and dislike about it, which could make this a hard one for me to vote on. However, there is one word that clearly defines my vote and that word is...fetus.
Not Suck
-r
Uh, not suck? Sure. Not suck. I don't care.
Sucks.
I don't like it because the first half of it revolves around making fun of people's dreams. Sure, 99 percent of the people who try out for the show should be banned from microphones, but they're still people.
I say suck.
However, the first part where they pick on people who really do suck, that doesn't suck. I enjoy that actually. Otherwise, it makes me sick to watch 1. Ryan Seacrest and 2. posers.
Kelly Clarkson: not suck
Everything else about American Idol: suck
Conclusion: suck
I'm feeling lazy, so I am going to be more obnoxious than usual and quote myself on this one rather than coming up with new material.
"Yes, I've watched it. Yes, I've even been entertained by it. But for some reason, I don't see 20 million people rushing to fill an auditorium for a mediocre high school talent contest, which is essentially what American Idol is, but they all slavishly watch (three times a week) what they probably would mock in a dingy karaoke bar, even though that one chick who shows up every Wednesday totally rocks "Love Shack" every time and it's awesome and she could make it! She could!
So, basically, I'm bemused by the continued juggernaut that is American Idol, even though I don't find it offensive or anything. Well, most of the time."
In conclusion, a not-very-heartfelt suck, and more because of the inexplicable nature of the phenomenon than out of any inherent flaw in the concept itself. Apart from Ryan Secrest, who is assuredly nothing but inherent flaws.
Anyone remember Dunkleman?
Oh how I wish that they had canned Ryan Seacrest. That man drives me crazy. I hate how he thinks he's more than the emcee.
I must admit, I love American Idol season. It means the end of winter, the bursting of buds on the trees, the twitter of birds outside my window. I love Simon, I love making predictions of the next to go, and I am amazed that those poor souls at the auditions really, truly think they can sing. It is a sociological question that nay never be answered!
So... not suck.
Not suck.
Let's examine the characters, past and present:
Paula -- used to date an animated fox, and later starred in a video with Ted "Theodore" Logan.
Bo Bice -- sings "vehicle" really well, but knows no other song.
Kelly Pickler -- huh, huh - her name is Pickler.
Seacrest -- I can only think of a line from the Ghostbusters 2 theme song: "He's too hot to handle and too cold to hold."
Coca Cola cups in front of judges -- oh, such subtle advertising.
It all adds up to some of the best television ever produced. Not really, but hey, not sucks
Not being a girl between 10 and 15 I'd have to say sucks like nothing on Earth has ever sucked before. It's lame/weak rating has set new standards
the versace killer posts on this blog? eek!
This is the first season I've ever watched, because I never wanted to be that guy. But I like it. And I'm only mildly embarrassed to say it.
Not suck.
Prince! Great to see you commenting!
If there was an American Idol of bass dancing, you would win every time.
I'm probably in the minority here, but I actually thought "Rock Star: INXS" from last year was a decent show. And I'm totally going to watch the new installment with Tommy Lee, etc. So if that reality series was merely decent, that tells you what I think about "American Idol."
While I thought Kelly Clarkson (whom I've reviewed live and is, in fact, talented) and Tamyra Gray from Season One had legit singing chops, I haven't been impressed by anyone else in my casual viewing of the show. Its lame-ness doesn't offend me -- though I would like to punch Ryan Seacrest in the face because I don't think he knows a lick about music, yet also has a high profile DJ job -- I think the show's overall message is that "mediocrity is OK." And of course, let's encourage people to hope and dream, even if they really, really suck at something. I hate that type of coddling, and I'm not even a mean-spirited person. Basically, it's the worst of Warhol's 15 minutes philosophy. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Guarini.
Dunkleman. Out.
Here's my stance on dreams: They are not sacred. If your dream is to become a singer, and you suck at singing, there is no reason why somebody shouldn't tell you that suck. In fact, you NEED to be told that you suck. I hate this mentality that encourages dilution over reality. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but isn't it meaner to allow somebody to stink than to tell them to put on some deordorent?
not suck
Foo-kay-ing sucks.
But I totally agree with Management that singers who suck need to be told they suck, and Idol is good for that. It's OK to dream, but when you start becoming self-delusional, the hammer needs to come down.
...which is why I love Simon. I also love Simon because he prefers opera over other kinds of music, which is one reason I have a pretend crush on him. My fiance thinks I'm crazy.
Not suck - I like the show.
Sucks big time -- teaches us that casual cruelty is entertaining, and perverts the way we look at music, which is about the joy of life and an art form, into nothing more than the aspiration to be rich and famous.
That was a suck vote, by the way.
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