Somebody get this guy a girlfriend

If Rivers Cuomo is happy not getting any, fine. But the man's art obviously has suffered. Weezer's first two albums are genius power-pop classics with a perverse streak a mile long. (You can take your pick of "Pinkerton" tracks to prove that one, but I'll take "No One Else" off the Blue Album.)

The past three records have seen Cuomo's creativity shrink like George Costanza five minutes outside a wading pool. This period of artisic castration roughly coincides with his sexual castration. Or it could be that he misses Matt Sharp.

Did you know that when a rock star doesn't take advantage of easy sexual conquest, an angel is murdered? Rivers, can't you find some cute half-Japanese and put us out of our misery?